You know that old Bill Cosby show ‘Kids say the Darnedest Things’? Well, forget kids – my friends say the craziest things, so much that you won’t care what darned things kids wanna say.

You know that William Shatner show ‘Shit my Dad says’? Forget William Shatner, my friends speak the wackiest crap out there. Old man, be damned.

It’s pretty interesting, bt-dubs.

nolEat Pray Luvin’ with Nolly

Nolly: Rise & Shine Festival. 29 March. Yes?
Me: Oooooh yes!!! If you’re saying yes… 😐
Nolly: YAAAAY! : I plan on getting my ticket the moment I get paid. I’ve learned my lesson about late ticket buying.
Me: Alrightie! Yeah, the late tick thing literally hacked my whole life this month.
Nolly : Ahhh yay so excited. I’m gonna get Saffy to come too
Me: Oh ja! I wanna meet him (and mostly listen to him speak, haha). \=D/
Nolly : Hahahaha yeah that’s fun too
Me: How are you doing? What’s good?
Nolly: I’m ayt. Trying to be positive and other such things. You? Life good?
Me: I’m alright, considering. Think I’m done being angry and I’m ready to just grab all the silver linings I can, in general life. Coping is the order of the day, huh. Lol.
Nolly : That’s brilliant, let’s embark on that mission together shall we? Despite other human beings.
Zow your boat: Here, here! *beer*
Nolly : If I ever win the lotto, I’m stealing you and we’re gonna go to Europe. Just so you know. In case it happens. So you’re not shocked. We’ll do an Eat Pray Love
Me: I’m honestly ok with that arrangement! =D I think Eat pray loving must be done by us at some point in our lives.
Nolly : Definitely! Except I’d probably do more eating than anything else =D
Me: Haha! Guilty. Also, I’m not sure I’d be loving in the proper manner – too many good looking boys in Europe X_X
Nolly: Yeah no, I think it’d be more like Eat Explore Laugh
Me: Yes. Yes, that makes sense!
Nolly : Ahhh now I’ve made myself sad. I wanna go now goddammit =\'(
Me: ‘Explore’ used very loosely 😉 Why am I not Chuck Bass… 😥
Nolly: Chuck Bass has it good man… But yeah. “Explore” used very, very loosely. As loose as we’ll be around European boys
Me: Hahaha! That is the exact loose I was thinking :p
Nolly: Hahaha that’s the best kind of loose
Me: Unless we have boyfriends by then… Bittersweet.
Nolly: Oh god I can’t even imagine that life
Me: We are gonna make such awkward girlfriends =D
Nolly: Hahaha yes! Like, what even happens?! Oh gosh I’m going to be so weird to date
Me: He’ll be like, ‘I’ve got the flu’ and I’ll be like ‘Aww, sorry. Get well soon, I’m going to see the Graeme Watkins project with Nolly – I cracked a window.’
Nolly: Hahahahahahaha!
Nolly: Exactly like that!
Me: Hehe. :p
Nolly: I’d wanna be a guy just so I could ask you out and see how awkward I could make you =)) (in a totally non-creepy way)
Me: Haha! Non-creepy would be appreciated. =D
Nolly: Non-creepy is my default setting. But I like to play with the switch
Me: Oh my word! Hahaha!
Nolly: =P

Bedtime ConvosSibo

Sibo: A guy macked on me for 2 hours 😐
Me: What?! How does that even work? So many words!
Sibo: Dude! He can’t stop
Me: That is so weird and funny! I can’t sleep 😦
Sibo: Why not? Bad dreams? 7pm sounds?
Me: None of the above. My eyes just won’t.
Sibo: I know that feeling, watch something tiring
Me: I’m watching The Vow.
Sibo: Don’t cry yourself to sleep
Me: What?! No. That movie is a yaaaaawn
Sibo: Lol seriously even for you?
Me: Dude! It’s sh*t.

*                                 *                              *

Sibo: Geesh, Mornings are the worst
Me: Dude. So not my jam. And I passed out so I’m not even sure I set the alarm X_X
Sibo: Oh shits, why don’t you have a daily one?
Me: You can do that? 😐
Sibo: Yes! Wtf??! Omg =))
Me: There’s no reason to laugh, man. 😦
Sibo: How can you not know this?
Me: I’ve seen it but somehow never interested or fully sure what it meant. Gee… Lol.
Sibo: I’m lost for words actually
Me: C’mon, we niiiiiiice :p
Sibo: Lol well now you know
Me: Yes, I do 😀
Sibo: You amaze balls me
Me: We all have our moments, man.

The Social Rejection

Sphiwe: I love my friends.
Nhla: But we don’t love you… *awkward*
Sphiwe: Let me be great, man… Let me be great.

Me: I may not be feeling too fresh this morning, (after last night) but the knowledge that Nhla and Sbo are less fresh makes me feel better.
Nhla: I’m fresher than a mo’fo! Bitches!
Me: Okay, don’t lie. There’s no need for this. I saw the pain in your eyes this morning.
Sbo: I will never be fresh again.

Phiwee on Cabbage 310184_2419311973080_1238915261_n

SPHIWE: How do you cook cabbage?
Zoe: Cabbage?
SPHIWE: Yes, cabbage.
Zoe: I boil it for a few minutes. Then fry it a bit with fish spice. It’s unhealthy, but so is life.
SPHIWE: Yeah I’ll do that. Thank you I’m cooking cabbage. I think I should stay away from guys hey
Zoe: Haha! You’re a stronger woman than I am.
SPHIWE: I’m not strong at all
Zoe: Well… It’s a hard knock life my friend ey. Boys… They’re aliens in my head. I think you can call what I do sampling. I sample them then bye! Don’t talk to me again, alien.
SPHIWE: Lol, haha but I also want to sample lol. Ok can I atleast have a goodbye thing with (boy’s name)?
Zoe: A what?! Whoa… Moving along.  Fine. Sample that sh’t but when it’s run its course let go.
SPHIWE: Lol. Haha yeah
Zoe: Why do you have monkeys as your display image now?
SPHIWE : Didn’t know which pic to put up.
Changed it. I think this one is better 😀
Zoe Hahahaha! What a perv. He’s so obsessed with short light-skinned zulu chicks.  Whenever he says that, I crack up. Someone asked him why he looks so fresh and he said it’s ‘cos he’s single. Tisk.
SPHIWE : Lol haha! Think I’ve found my sample X_X
Zoe: Where would you find him?
SPHIWE: Just kidding next ting I’m easy like the rest, too
Zoe: Yoh! That’s super true. Birds of a feather.
SPHIWE: Lol, (girl’s name) is asking why he isn’t my man
Zoe: Haha! You’d be cute together though. Appearance-wise.
SPHIWE: Yeah appearance wise
Zoe: I admit he’s hot though. More-so in real life. Dimples even…
SPHIWE: Lol good thing his in Eastern Cape hey
Zoe: What would you do if he wasn’t all the way down there?
SPHIWE: Absolutely nothing. Lol.
Zoe:  Haha! Yeah… These good looking boys…  they’re dangerous.
SPHIWE MTHIYANE: Very, my friend. Very.

Hlabz on First Years and Cool Kids


Zoe: How’s PTA?
Hlabz: Same shit different first years…
Zoe: You’re saying that cos you’re there. I miss it!
Hlabz: Dude, I’ve had enough of it…I wasn’t built for Hatfield. Come back then.
Zoe: Never! I’d like to visit but that’s all. I don’t wanna be a Hatfield granny.
Hlabz: Hahaha! You don’t look it tho, you’ll be just fine
Zoe: Lol, I think it’s the knowledge that peeps are three years my junior.
Hlabz: Makes you feel old? Shame granma Zoey …
Zoe: Hahaha! And the boys don’t know you’re old. It’s so tough explaining to them that you’re over 21
Hlabz: Lol, if its too rough, play along! Weave Vans, Weezy, and the word ‘swag’ into the convo. You’ll be just fine
Zoe: You seem to have it all figured out, is that how you get the 1st years? Peado
Hlabz: I get no first years…That’s how I hide my age when I feel old…that and wearing my cap backwards. That’s what cool kids do
Zoe: Haha! Wow, do you think the cap trick will be ok on me though? Sounds like something I want to try. I wanna be a cool kid:'( NOT
Hlabz: Well it works for me…
Zoe: You’re a tool.

IMG00056-20110923-1039Nhla on boys and beer

Zoe: OMG… So over it. I’ll never greet him again.
Nhla: Lung cancer is gonna kill us all, we’ll just suffer from secondary smoke
Zoe: I’ve been like very friendly when I see him with that underlying hmmm… yes… You… Thing. What a douche. Like wtf?! (That’s really all I’m saying right now, audibly)
Nhla: Hahahahaha! well friend here’s one more person that FAILED
Zoe: Yeah, like fine (Boy’s name), go ahead and assume you’re above us, fail at life. We don’t care. So not swazzing.
Nhla: (Boy’s name)’s in town and wanted to hook up, but he’s too far, I’m not willing to make an effort, oh well
Zoe: Hahaha! Wha’ever. I think you’ve passed that stage. Ticked. Bye. Girls can tick too.
Nhla: Yeah.I need am exam fes tick
Zoe: Really?
Nhla: A hot one too, def not stupid. Cause I’ll punch him in the face and put his ass in a dark corner if he’s stupid
Zoe: Hahahha! Ditto.
Nhla: Stupid people shouldn’t speak. They should just smile, nod, give and agree
Zoe: Wow
Nhla: I think (Boy’s name)’s upsetting me a bit
Zoe: Dude, I’m upset.
Nhla: I only interact with two people here, Phiwee and her dad, who I love talking to and we laugh a lot. Think I’ve forgotten how to socialise that’s all. Plus I’m SOBER. Yes that’s it, its the sobriety.
Zoe: It’s the f**king sobriety! I drank yesterday. After two weeks clean. I feel calmer… And hungover. Beer sucks ass. Had Heineken.
Nhla: Never gonna jump on that boat. Its poison. Looks cool sometimes but I’m ok with hunters dry, it looks the part from afar
Zoe: Yeah… Uh no thanks I’m good ey. Yeah, hunters kicks ass. Let’s stick to that. I had like half a bottle. But black label kinda tastes better.
Nhla: You were beer-ing it out last night huh. High five to you champ
Zoe: Beer is for losers who get drunk quickly and are afraid of the real shit.
Nhla: Yes!!
Nhla: Mainstay’s selling that already mixed shit in 1.5 and 3 litres
Zoe: Really? Brung!
Nhla: Wot are we supposed to do??? How are we supposed to see heaven???:(
Zoe: Hahahaha! Such a tough life, such a tough f**ken life for the modern alcoholic. This thing is everywhere!
Nhla: Everywhere and it keeps getting better
Zoe: Oh, I’m following (boy’s name) and his bro on twitter. They following me back. (boy’s name) mentioned me.
Nhla: I saw… Dud tendencies but I’ll let you be
Zoe: Dud? Bru, like… We’re ok now ey. He’s not a god to me anymore.
Nhla: Groupie look alikes then
Zoe: I look like a groupie? No I don’t.
Nhla: No it looks like the look alike tendencies of groupies, which looks normal to most people
Zoe: Oh… Steez.
Nhla: I need a drink, a jay and a lay in that order:(
Zoe: That sounds like a fucking Lil Wayne song brov! Wtf. LOL=))
Nhla: Hahahahaha!! I didn’t realise. Have you seen (boy’s name) since he pulled his stunts?
Zoe: Not at all. People aren’t the way they were a few months ago. The (boy’s names) crew has changed substantially.
Nhla: Really? New peeps? Smaller crew?
Zoe: That sounds like a f**king brooklyn ny gang… (boy’s names) crew! LOL. Bigger… I think it’s due to (boy’s name)’s herb selling steez.
Nhla: Hahahahah!! Perhaps we were thugs in our previous lives
Zoe: Thuglife… That reminds me, you should check (boys names) tweets. They are actually really funny.
Nhla: (boys name)? Lost bruv,like black person going deep sea diving lost. Like black person in the woods alone at night lost
Zoe: (boys names)’s brother dude.
Nhla: Oh! I’ll check (boys name),already following (boys name), he kills me. (boys name) I can’t I’m sorry, I just cant
Zoe: Oh… Racist much. Why? That’s a strange decision.
Nhla: Its (boys name), I don’t think much of him. Really
Zoe: Haha! Fair enough.
Nhla: Maybe when I get back to drinking I’ll give him a chance
Zoe: Maybe, just. Oh, but I do love you.
Nhla: lol!! love you too – is there no abbreviation for that phrase?
Zoe: It’s not a ‘phrase’. There isn’t… And there shouldn’t be!
Nhla: As for that (boys name, sort of) wots his face… He should just chew on something like a rag doll or a rubber bone. Why does he breath??
Zoe: Hahahhahahahhaha! LMFAO! LOL! Who are you???? Damn! I wish I could quote tweet that!
Nhla: Lol!! I’m an involuntarily sober human being

Chanelle on BBM Broadcast Messages


Chanelle: On the 25th of December 2011, BlackBerry will start charging you for your instant messaging. To avoid this, you must stand on your kitchen table, naked, singing “I Will Survive” whilst doing the Macarena… only then will Mel Gibson travel down your chimney on a golden unicorn and give you a special purple token that means your messaging stays free. Send this to all your contacts, or goblins will poo on your towels.
Zoe: You’re a madman! 🙂 I like broadcasting!
Chanelle: I know. It’s terrible, Lol.
Zoe: You know what? I’ll stop. Just for you.

ItuItu ‘Freak Mawaza’ on BBM Broadcast Messages

Itu: Blackberry has announced that to reactivate your display picture… you must slap yourself against a wall, whack yourself on the head or jump off a bridge until you realise that a forward message cannot affect your phone system :p
Zoe: You’re a douche!
Itu: A realist
Zoe: Amongst other things…


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