Tag Archives: That Awkward Moment

I think I have a Type

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I think I may really have a type, well at least as far as movie characters go. I mean, I’ll watch a film, a film of a specific genre, and I’ll be drawn to this certain dude. I’m sure you’re thinking, ‘Yeah well sure, that happens to all women’. You’re not wrong but I think that’s more of a lust thing. I mean, I have characters I totally lust over like way after the movie has ended and I build a little creepy hut for those dudes in my vault where they can share a communal bathroom in one dark part of the house and wait to be summoned for duty one by one. Those are action movie men, emotional romantic drama men, sports movie men, that kinda sweaty macho muscly rubbish – hunks so to say (listen, the 90s said it best). The type that I speak of is different. After the movie I don’t lead them blindfolded and covered in baby oil into my Amazon hut. One word comes to mind, and that word is ‘boyfriend’. I just wanna cuddle them and talk to them and serial watch a TV series in my PJs with them while we binge drink on a Friday night, and go to music festivals and sports games with them.

I’m not sure these guys have a super specific physical attribute, except that they’re all tall I guess, some of ’em have borderline daddy bodies and the rest have regular dude bodies. I can’t word what I’m imagining but you catch my drift right? Wow, the 90s have really taken over my writing today. But in more related news, these guys all have one thing in common; they are all comical and make me smile. And right off the top of my head, these are some of the blokes that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I’m watching *insert sub-genre* comedies:

Friends With Kids – Chris O’Dowd. 

Source: Fanpop

Source: Fanpop

I think that face says it all. And he’s the most relatable and laid back character in that movie which makes him really attractive to me.

The Romantics – Adam Brody

Something Borrowed – John Krasinski. 

Source: Imgfave

Source: Imgfave

Quirky best friend? Um, ja! And he’s married to Emily Blunt, irl and that’s the biggest stamp of approval if you ask me. 

No Strings attached – Ashton Kutcher.

I know he’s the lead but so are Jake Gyllenhaal and Justin Timberlake in their casual sexy time movies and I feel zero for them.

Five Year engagement – Chris Pratt

chris-pratt-imgur

Source: Imgur

Actually where is Chris Pratt not adorable? Where? Show me! Have you seen how ripped he has become? How can I not appreciate a man who can transform like that? 

That Awkward Moment – Miles Teller

Source: Buzzfeed

Source: Buzzfeed

Miles, oh Miles… You are so chucklesome. Most age appropriate of the bunch and probably most bangable. Marry me, Mr Potato Face. 

Delivery Man – Amos VanderPoel.

I mean he doesn’t even speak in the damn movie! This is a real problem. Also, Chris Pratt again.

I love you, Man – Jason Segal

jason-segal

Jason Segal in ‘I love you, Man’ was definitely the one to pop my moron-loving cherry and you never forget your first. 

Yup. It’s a weird one but I am into tall goofy/funny/somewhat good looking/but mostly tall & goofy guys with nice hair in movies where they’re tall and goofy.

P.S Where are all the carefree black guys on mainstream media? 😦  Like, where are the brown wacky cuties? (No, it’s a for real question, I don’t know where to find idiotic POC dudes).

P.P.S My real thoughts on the subject? Well, my friend, Nhlanhla Holmes Mthiyane said the other day, “I don’t think you’re gonna end up with any of the bros you’re currently into. I think you’re gonna end up with a dude. A funny, sports loving dude.”

And there’s this quote,
“I believe our celebrity crushes reveal more about us than we would like to admit.”
— COREY WESLEY
And maybe it’s true. For now, my real life crushes are mostly emotionally unavailable remnants of my varsity life with super stable jobs and no senses of humour. It’s sad but I’ve made such a a habit of falling for and fraternising with these types that I’ve convinced myself I’m doomed to a life of being the spouse to Mr Business Trips and will, therefore, have daddy issue kids. But, if that saying is true, and my friend Nhla really believes it is – then I really have an awesome and chill love life to look forward to. Thanks Holmes.

 

That Awkward Moment was a bit awkward for me irl

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That-Awkward-Moment-Movie-PostersThat awkward moment when the gag reel is better than the actual movie. Also, that awkward moment when the only reason you continue watching a movie is because you genuinely like the actors but from other movies they’ve done, so like a proud buddy you show support even though you’re thinking, ‘I guess I’m only here for the six packs  and the trapz then’. I guess, truthfully, my enthusiasm before watching the movie was normal. Zac Efron made me laugh in 17 Again, so I trusted that he had it in him to make me laugh again. Michael B. Jordan stole my heart as Steve in Chronicle and I was literally heartbroken by what happened to his character. I cried. And then there’s Miles Teller, just looking at his face makes me wanna crack up, there’s just something about the way he looks and talks that just makes me never wanna take him seriously. Like Seth Rogen. And then this strange movie happened. *side eye*

I get it, boys have weird dating experiences too, and I appreciate the whole concept of the dude as the reluctant love interest at first, because it’s an unfortunate truth and bad habit among some of them. It’s really great that they’re making bromantic comedies now. Yeah, I just said that. Because I enjoy using bro as a prefix a lot and, in the words of Jessa Johansson, I don’t like women telling other women what to do, or how to do it or when to do it. Phew. Okay. So the movie follows three bros who’ve taken a vow to stay single because one of their bros just got jilted. Seems like your regular run-of-the-mill ‘recipe for disaster’ plot, right? Sure. But the execution, my word… Ugh. It just pains me when something claims to be comedy and then kinda fails to make me, and the group of people I invited to watch, laugh. It’s like group effort confirmation that oh, I guess this is ‘hehe’ funny and not ‘hahaha’ funny, it should have said so on the label.

My first problem was the obsession with Daniel’s (Miles’ character) bowels. I know it was supposed to be funny and I was supposed to laugh but, just no. I like Imogen Poots, I don’t know why but I do, but also she freaks me out with her eyes and her hair and she kind of dwarfs Zac because he’s shortish. However, I’m glad there were some lines she delivered that made me huff laugh. Like the scene where she sees him after he made a dash for it and never called after they did the lay-down-move-around.

Jason: I thought you were a hooker.
Ellie: What?
Jason: A hooker.
Ellie: Why?
Jason: There were hooker signs.
Ellie: What’s a hooker sign?
Jason: You had on hooker boots.
Ellie: Lots of people have them.
Jason: There were tons of condoms.
Ellie: Did you ever think they might be there because I’m not having a ton of sex?
Jason: No! I thought they were a hooker sign!
Ellie: What’s a hooker sign?
Jason: What about The Story of O?
Ellie: That was research for a book.
Jason: There were envelopes full of cash.
Ellie: I pay my landlord in cash so that he can commit tax fraud. How long have you lived in New York?
Jason: Man, not long enough.
Ellie: Yeah.
Jason: Wait. Can I make it up to you? Let me make it up to you.
Ellie: You wanna make it up to me?
Jason: Can I?
Ellie: I don’t know. You can have my number… And…

And then she gives him a note with her number on it. Jk. It had ‘Go F*&k yourself’ written on it. 🙂 She owned that scene for me.

I felt like Miles Teller carried most of the ‘funny’ banter. Like he was the only reason I found some of the dialogue amusing, with his bros, with that really tall cute fwb of his we all knew he was gonna end up with. I can honestly say he managed to remain the funny boy he is. But he got majorly dampened by this movie. Fingers on the bible, I LOLed once. Throughout the whole movie. And it was courtesy of Miles Teller’s mini rant before a girl turns up to the man cave unannounced.

“She’s not going to talk about Xbox. I’m going to be sitting here thinking like, ‘oh I have to fart but maybe I can’t right now.’ She better have some hot friends. Open the door. I don’t care. I’m getting wasted.”

Everything else was awkward and a bit uncomfortable. Zac’s ‘Rock out with your C&*k out’ outfit at a fancy dress party? Awkward and uncomfortable. How did that communication breakdown happen and which dad would ‘like’ that? Michael B’s whole relationship ups and downs… utterly uncomfortable. And it’s a hard pass from me on that weird masturbating scene. And lastly, the Christmas party scene. Unbearable to watch. I was 2 seconds away from skipping that part. If it counts for anything, they managed the awkward part really well but it was definitely not that kind of awkward I wanna be watching. I’d rather watch the gag reel below a thousand times. Because it’s better than the movie.

XOXO