My ex and I are good friends now but I literally experienced all of the below when I initially found out that he’d started dating somebody. This is a more comical view of the soul-shattering experience – the real thing is so much more ugly and surreal and then hilarious and ridiculous. Welcome to what happens when a ‘big’ ex moves on…
Firstly, Tiffany is my emotional spirit animal and Jennifer Lawrence is a gem.
But let’s zero in on the fact that these (below) almost always apply to how I am feeling at one time or another. It kind of creeps me the hell out, and makes me both sad and glad – it makes sense in my head. [Unrelated, I totes just rhymed 😉 ]. I watched this film a few months ago and repeatedly, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me think of my own personal demons and mental state, and wonder about the unlikelihood and sheer bizarre-ness of finding love and just my self and my actions in the world. Like a true work of art, it made me think. Not pleasant stuff but like, real stuff that I like to avoid because, oblivion. Let me stop yapping and let this woman speak for me. Ladies and gents, Tiffany taking the words right out of my over-emotional mouth. I’ll try to make this as light-hearted as possible, though.
When being ‘socially awkward’.
Correctly put, this is how I am in social situations where I am not comfortable and might do anything from joining in the fun or storming out. To me, a little Dutch Courage’s never hurt nobody. And I may not be sitting in a corner with my nose in a friggin tablet, but I will stand around the crowd, drinking my confidence. And that’s probably unhealthy.
When meeting a person and being totally convinced they are suffering.
Because sometimes you can see that kinda thing behind smiles and acting civil. Darkness is a real thing and sometimes you ask awkward, inappropriate questions. Plus, I find suffering a little beautiful.
When handling slights.
I take betrayal very badly. It literally ends me. Lol.
When nothing makes you content.
You know the quote ‘Because I’m not the kind of girl guys fall in love with’. That. And mostly, how you can give so much of yourself and give so much to life in general, and know that you’ve done right but still have huge hole in your existence. That can’t be normal right? Pretty much sums up my whole. 🙂
When you don’t know how to be jolly,ever.
My best friend of 9 years said to me once “Why is your first instinct always to be angry?”. It is, I do melt after a few minutes though. But my first reaction to everything is being angry then laughing maniacally.
When I feign being unapologetic.
And it works for a while, I manage to convince people and myself and then I get home to my lonely four walls and then it’s a f*cking party with Lana del Rey or someone else with a voice that makes you wanna slit your wrists. Because the truth is not nice. And I’m going to ‘lol’ about this post and brush everything off. This is not a serious thing, obviously. This is just life 🙂