Monthly Archives: April 2014

Some things are best expressed in short bursts of disbelief

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I know, I know, Millennials have already shortened everything so do we really need to allow them to not confront things and just use ‘short bursts of disbelief’? The answer is yes. I know myself and I so happen to know my friends and close acquaintances as well and I can say this, it’s better for our health to say WTF and walk away than to have to sit someone hopeless down and level/discuss/argue with them. For every annoying, exciting, shocking and surprising thing, I’ve managed to be able to answer in short startled question exclamations. Case in point: WTF?!

There are specific moments though, without fail, that will literally have you so shocked you do the eye-pop-eye-roll (Blair Waldorf taught me this) and it’s the only reaction that suffices and won’t land you in jail.

DAFT FOLKS.

These are all the dumb, ignorant, blind, intolerant, uncultured, unchangeable, dumb stupid people we meet from day to day. Most of the time they’re thrust upon you at parties or work functions or any other social gathering for that matter. You would not know or speak to any of these people willingly and would never be caught dead calling them friend or even admitting you kinda know them in public (I can’t speak for family on this one, you’re sort of stuck with those ones). But these are the people whose presence is mash-up of uncomfortable and annoying and when they open their mouths to talk you’re just like…

Rihanna

 

Subtext: There’s just no way your brain works like that. Are you on meds? Am I being punked?

STOP. ANGER TIME.

We live in a rage age, that’s a fact. Everybody is literally always at tipping point. Y’know, like that song ‘Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge/I’m trying not to lose my head’? We’re all just trying to keep our heads above the rage water here. Seriously. And living in Jo’burg I can attest to just how close people are to killing each other every day on these roads and bank queus. Even the smallest thing can set a Joburger off because – I’m convinced – they live their lives on ‘Come at me bru’ mode. And when you have a run-in with these beautiful dark creatures, male and female, and whether you’re taking your time reversing out of a parking spot or bump them in a pub or club, or laugh out loud in the cinema house, you will not be disappointed. They will hulk out on you. And you, coming from a normal city like Cape Town or Pretoria, have to bite your tongue while the green rage monster has his moment, like…

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Subtext: I’m actually equally peeved but I feel like a have more to lose here. It’s so hard being civilised.

EXES. AMIRIGHT?

Ex-classmates, ex-friends, ex-workpeople, ex effing boyfriends. Amicable splitsville or not, I’m not trying to have your life all up in my grill. Yes, maybe sometimes I strike up communication because I need someone’s contacts/need my favorite green blazer back/need a reference/am lonely AF, but please avoid me when you’re happy. Whether these people from your cosy past managed to get into a better university/managed to be normal/get better jobs/move on (a couple of times!), you’re just not keen. It’s not something you wanna swim in, honestly. So when an ex anything sends you a jolly above-it-all message or invite to anything like ‘Omg, how’ve you been?’ or like ‘Omg, please come to my party!’, I’m like OMG…

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Subtext: Who the hell cares, spaz?! OR I’m obviously still scarred by you, please shut your face.

SHIT HAPPENS.

Oftimes, as confused 20somethings in our crazy busy lives that are full of meaning, we find that shit really does happen. A LOT. Not because we deserve it or allow it or whatever, it just does. We cry and freak out and stress out a lot because every day is like a box of shit chocolates, you never know what shit you’re gonna get. But, you know it’ll definitely be there. And so we’ve formulated our individual defense against the shit arts mechanisms. Don’t wanna be late? Be super early. You want that promotion? Work your butt of and be that weirdo who’s the first one in and last one out the office. Want a better body? Be healthier, baby! You have a sneaky suspicion it might rain and don’t wanna get soaked? Try carrying an umbrella, dude. Tired of getting your heart broken? Date healthy-minded dudes and learn how to be a better judge of character, dummy. BUT. You’re a 20something so this is what you find out, the rain is too strong and the wind blows your pathetic little umbrella away, you hop on the scale and find that you’ve actually put on a kilo, and that nice guy you started dating is a closet sociopath, and you’re just like…

fckery

Subtext: Really? Seriously? This is what happens when I actually try? Whatevs. (Que hipster mentality, existentialist crisis)

So there you have it. We already have sooo much happening in our lives, do we really need to address and confront everything? No. Some things are better just ended with a sigh and an ‘I’m out’. It’s exhausting to take everything seriously. So even when I am pissed off or confused or shocked beyond, I take a breathe and think ‘Do I really wanna get into this?’ and the answer is no way, I’ll stick to my  short inner bursts of disbelief. So to addressing all the crazy out there…

Icant

[Gif Source: Tumblr]


Signs you’re about to hit rock bottom

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Alright, before you panic this post is not dark and end-of-your-line-y. It’s not about being a failure in life or not winning at love and work. I’m just here to goof off about those phases we all go through that aren’t really evident of a successful and well functioning adult, those sulky, kinda irresponsible, probably naggy, highly emotional phases we go through when nothing is going our way. The 20something’s seasonal guilty pleasure of self indulgence and mild self pity, i.e letting yourself go (hello, sweatpants and showerless weekends). Here are some signs that you’re slowly (or quickly) getting into a social and physical slump… #fml

  • Being on antibiotics and actually being very upset that you will not be able to continue your gross tradition of using wine as a pick me up slash sleeping meds for a whole week.
  • Leaving the house looking like Charlize Theron’s character in Young Adult and feeling completely okay about it. And being unashamed about leaving the shopping complex with a shopping bag full of snacks and two pizzas in your epic get-up.
  • Asking yourself tough questions like ‘Where the hell does laughter come from? What is it even? And why am I extremely attracted to boys who make me do such a thing? There must be a documentary on this.’ Out loud.
  • Feeling sorry for couples like, don’t they miss alone time? Shame.
  • Singing Mumford & Sons’ ‘I will wait’ while preparing your less than healthy dinner. Because you’re actually singing the song to your less than healthy dinner. That can’t be right.
  • Binge-watching Girls and Geordie Shore and having similar sentiments towards both. Good and Bad.
  • Falling into old, childish habits you haven’t done in maybe even years. Like having to delete unfamiliar numbers from your Contact list after a night out. What the actual f?
  • Thinking about your ex in any way. Which usually leads to internet stalking. And maybe even contact. Bleh.
  • Watching The Croods and crying when the dad gets separated from his family. Like ugly crying until your throat gets sore. Even though, through the tears and hiccups, you’re busy telling yourself it’s a kiddie movie and people don’t die so there’s no reason to be this emotional.
  • Exhausting the wine stash and the snack stash in one go. And then also destroying the reserve stash. Shame on you.
  • Going days without showering. This is not Oppi, get your act together.
  • Tumblr.
    (Night trolling angry teen blogs? Seriously, man.)

If any of these apply to you or if you’ve done any of them, 1) Don’t feel bad, you’ll get out of it sooner or later and 2) I think you’re awesome for letting yourself feel all your feels and wallow for a bit. Now go ahead and rock your bad hair days in all your sweatpant swagger like you are being paid for it. [Then hurry and get over yourself ;)]

 

Young Woman Having Bad Hair Day


Film: Drinking Buddies

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Two weeks ago, I think, during a moment of soppy-ness I watched this film that I’d been really looking forward to seeing. Of course it’s probably weird to say I was going through a soppy phase but I watched a movie that isn’t strictly rom-com/soppy/happyending. This is because it wasn’t the kind of soppy-ness that’s self destructive and makes you feel super damp as a human, it’s the kind of down to earth, ‘I could still totally hit the bar in a healthy way right now’, self-aware kind of soppy. Sidenote: I used the word ‘soppy’ a lot in this paragraph and I’m sorry but I’m too lazy to search for something to replace it with from my brain archive.

Drinking Buddies is a very chilled watch – I didn’t necessarily feel anything while I was watching it and although I thought the characters were such cool people that I would definitely want to hang out and beer it up with, I didn’t really care for them much. And for me, that’s great. It’s realistic, you don’t have to fall in love with all the characters in the world and dote on them – it’s fine to just dig their vibe, full stop. When I saw the trailer for Drinking Buddies (admittedly, they had me at ‘Drinking Buddies’) I got the general feel of everything but they didn’t give away how everything was going to happen – trailers do that these days! So see the trailer – it doesn’t have spoilers like every other movie from 2010-2014.

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Olivia Wilde is a gem as this really laid back, guys’ girl who chugs beer and likes to play pool – but she is not a ‘plain Jane’. Screw that term, I hate it and I hate all the writers that create stupid plain Jane, damsel in distress characters! Nobody is a plain Jane. She is a confident and good looking girl with a boyfriend – and it is not a toxic relationship. Her work best friend, played by Jake Johnson, – yay, is like the dude version of her. But… they’re human. And there are work crushes and there’s work intimacy and lines are blurred. But not in the way one would expect – it’s nothing like the Friends With Benefits/No Strings Attached blurring of lines, all ‘Ooh, let’s have casual sex and assume there won’t be any consequences then get super freaked out and surprised when we fall for each other’. No. This is about two good friends, both in relationships with people they care about but have nothing in common with, it’s fun times.

Like most of the ‘misplaced girl’ movies I watch, I can relate to Olivia Wilde’s character – not in relation to her surroundings and relations with other characters, but as a stand alone individual. I love that she dates for fun and doesn’t think of weddings and offspring from the moment someone says ‘I like you’. I like that she’s an  outgoing person and loves to see other people happy (and drinking beer). I love that she does what she wants to do and does not apologise for who she is because she’s not hurting anyone by being her zany, awesome bromosexual self. It’s that kind of self love that isn’t obnoxious and imposing but super chilled and enigmatic that makes me appreciate a flawed female character even if I’m not really obsessed with her. And that’s one of the many reasons I loved this improvised Sundance-esque film. 🙂

Wilde with Jake Johnson in Drinking Buddies.